You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
