Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
