...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
