I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
