you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize