my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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