It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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