Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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