This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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