Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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