she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
