2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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