no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
