Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
