I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
