i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
