When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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