Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
