Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
