Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
