We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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