And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize