I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
