hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Couch. On fire.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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