People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
