Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
