omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
