I just pynch a tree in the face
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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