I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
