Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry my hands just texted you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
