he wants to bone in the snuggie
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
