i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize