I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
