If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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