is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
