Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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