the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
