Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The Olympian is in my bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
