Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
