I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
