It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
