Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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