Barsexuality is the new black.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
