If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
