Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
