The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
from now on my penis is your penis
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize