My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
