I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
