her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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