she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
