I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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