Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
