Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
