Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
