so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
