I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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