just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
