The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize