so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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