She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
