can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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