just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
