I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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