how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
