grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
