Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
