Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
