you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
