im six kinds of drunk right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
