Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
