that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
