We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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