I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
