Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
